|Here's the map of what we went through....and after a little while, we found our way out!!! I highly recommend doing this!|
Why can't I do that in my own life?
You see, I suffer from anxiety. So much so its debilitating at times. In fact, Friday night, I was so overwhelmed, I had a panic attack. I hadn't had one like that in years. We had to leave the restaurant where we were at immediately. I didn't eat my dinner. (It is one of my absolute favorite restaurants). Even though I was with my friends and my boyfriend who love me and care for me, I felt like I was going to suffocate. I had to get out. 1-2 is very supportive of my struggle with anxiety and just took me home and took care of me. I am so thankful to have him beside me, especially in those moments. I need someone to calm my "I'm going crazy" mantra when I have a panic attack. He is the antidote to my feelings of being out of control.
In my own life, I can't just see I am in a maze. And I will get out, despite the twists and turns I take. But, I'm so hell bent on trying to figure things out myself, that I lose out on the whole process of a maze...exploring the possibilities. I have so many things in my mind about how things ought to turn out, what to do next, and where to go from here, I miss out on life. I always have to know which way to turn...I can't just take a path and run with it. I'm currently struggling with a few major turns in my own maze that, if I choose to pursue them, will completely change the course of my life.
All of these thoughts came bubbling up on Saturday morning, as I was sitting in a ground blind. It was my first hunting trip. While I sat there, I just looked around and took in the beauty of the area around me. I saw squirrels, birds, and the sun bounce in and around the woods. Yes, we saw deer...a buck and 3 does. And yes, 1-2 got his first deer Saturday. (Way to go 1-2!)
But, I got the best gift of all. Breathing space. Perspective. And a renewed desire to move out to the country. I never in a million years figured myself for a country girl. But, I need that space in order to feel the pressures of life get off of my shoulders. I need space to breathe. To feel alive. To realize this life is beautiful...and even though I know there will be plenty of twists and turns in my own life's maze, I will have the clarity and the partner to help me deal. Thank you 1-2. For showing me there is more to life than jobs, bills, deadlines, and having everything figured out immediately.
(And just in case you were wondering, I was a deer hunting spectator on Saturday. I haven't attempted my hand at it...yet....but you can guarantee I'll have a few recipes for deer coming up in the near future!)
See ya'll Wednesday~